thank you to everybody who has already read it and commented on it. anyone with a gmail can, and i appreciate any little note.
one particular message i got was very interesting... it was privately sent, not a comment. i got the anonymous response sometime this morning and i thought it was pretty interesting. i responded myself but it really resonated with me so i thought i should post it.
please feel free to comment on the post as if the author posted it on their own site. maybe he or she will come back and get a chance to see it and reflect on it. i think it could be a pretty interesting thing-o.
without further ado:
"i am so lonely. always with so many people in my face and around me. but always so lonely.
so many god-damned people but none of them actually ever really care about me. they seldom ask me anything or listen to me. they need me for a whole slew of reasons, whether i entertain them, do work for them, provide an outlet for them, act as their "best friends" - none of them know me or care to. the rare ones acknowledge they don't know me and make such a scene of trying to get to know me that it turns me off completely.
i am a grinch. a socially flamboyant grinch who internally is so far from his shell = i deserve to be locked up in a tower with a rapunzel (spelling?).
i see so much and i feel so much and i know so much because everyone tells me everything. sometimes i don't care, but i have to listen - that's what "i" do. i see so much of what people feel and want in life and often this clouds my own feeling and wants. i find myself caring so much for others. i am not trying to make myself sound like a saint, but i get obsessed with other people's lives or things or happiness. everything i do with my life is focused on others and the interests of others, etc.
i want to have time and room to deal with myself. to like myself. to flaunt myself. to express myself. to fuck people because i like them myself. to be rude to people because i don't like them myself. to just be myself without having to always be "me."
"me" isn't myself."
so many god-damned people but none of them actually ever really care about me. they seldom ask me anything or listen to me. they need me for a whole slew of reasons, whether i entertain them, do work for them, provide an outlet for them, act as their "best friends" - none of them know me or care to. the rare ones acknowledge they don't know me and make such a scene of trying to get to know me that it turns me off completely.
i am a grinch. a socially flamboyant grinch who internally is so far from his shell = i deserve to be locked up in a tower with a rapunzel (spelling?).
i see so much and i feel so much and i know so much because everyone tells me everything. sometimes i don't care, but i have to listen - that's what "i" do. i see so much of what people feel and want in life and often this clouds my own feeling and wants. i find myself caring so much for others. i am not trying to make myself sound like a saint, but i get obsessed with other people's lives or things or happiness. everything i do with my life is focused on others and the interests of others, etc.
i want to have time and room to deal with myself. to like myself. to flaunt myself. to express myself. to fuck people because i like them myself. to be rude to people because i don't like them myself. to just be myself without having to always be "me."
"me" isn't myself."
it is pretty difficult do differentiate doing something because you want it from doing something because someone else wants it...
see puppy post.
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