i get haircuts like a bitch.

i hate getting haircuts.

i like to believe that i'm a wacky and spontaneous guy who adapts to change very well, and in many instances, i'm sure it's true. i mean, i am a pretty hip guy. but in the end, i'm still just a creature of habit. so when i get used to my dumb head/face looking one way, it's hard to switch.

it could also have something to do with the fact that my barber is a dumb stupid shit head.

i've been going to him since i was in high school... again. creature of habit.

but anyway, my hair was starting to get to the point where i was having trouble making myself look like not an ass hole on a regular basis... so it was time. now, understand that another reason that i push off getting hair cuts is because my mother consistently tells me i need one because i look like osama bin laden. in fact, i do not.

my barber's name is tony. like me, only he is italian, bald, and a little more racist.

i got there and the there were several people waiting. i briefly considered leaving, but my laziness won out as i sat in a chair. then i got to listen to another old italian man sit in a barber chair (just hanging out by the way) talking to my barber- italian- tony- man about why the economy sucks. perhaps i can bullet point his arguments.

- people need to go to restaurants and be served instead of buying their food in supermarkets and cooking at home so they can save their money.

- this generation of young people doesn't know how to respect their money.

this argument came about because barber -italian- tony, on occasion, likes to go out to a restaurant and get calamari. why? oh, i dunno... perhaps because it's fucking delectable?

mind you, big -not good at his job -italian -tony -barber thought this guy was a dumb ass. i would just like to reiterate. the economy is not poor because people are spending their money at restaurants too much. in fact going out and spending your money at small businesses would make the economy thrive. in facty fact, only saving your money would cripple small business and destroy the lively hood of families across america.

but while this economic wizard was going on and on, i couldn't help but notice a man sitting across from me who kept looking at me every now and again. he was sitting next to a slightly older woman. for a brief moment i thought he was retarded.

why would he be sitting with an older woman?

maybe it's his mother?

why does he keep looking at me?

stop it... you're a bad person tony (me not the tragic barber).

after this man got a hair cut, big -italian -called the other italian a cheap jew for not approving of his calamari habit- tony, handed him a lollypop.

i've never gotten a lollypop here... i've only gotten disappointed! but who gets lollypops?

children.

and then he spoke... i won't try to replicate what he said because i've already said the word retarded and i don't want look like more of an ass hole. but he was handicapped yes.

but to be honest, i couldn't make up my mind on how i felt about what just happened. it always feels weird when you try to make yourself not think in negative stereotypical ways, and then the stereo type comes true. but furthermore, i couldn't even focus on that because i couldn't decide if i thought it was ok to give a mentally handy capped adult a lollypop after getting a hair cut! isn't that sort of degrading? i dunno.

anyway, tony- cant help immediately butchering my beard and fucking up my mustache- barber did me up and i paid and left.

i got home and my mother looked at me and said, "you got a hair cut! why did you do it like that! he cut it too much it looks bad!"

i hate everything.